Things I Didn't Blog About This Week (a.k.a. I've Been Holding Out On You)

Ok, so I guess it's true what I learned about myself last night at the Memphis Blogger Bash -- I really don't update very often. I can't decide if it's because I think my life is boring or because I don't want to open up the cavernous pit of my mind to people quite so much. Either way, I've decided to take a few minutes to get over the whole fear of flying to get down on it with everyone.



ITEM NUMBER ONE: Jack White is not trying to look like Johnny Depp, people. No, no, no. You're all dead wrong, way off-base, lost to the reality. Then who, oh bright and noble sage of all that is memorable for ten seconds, is he trying to resemble? [warning: spoilers ahoy]



A: Captain Beefheart. See, a lot of you don't know that Jack and I share a common bond in that we're both fans of Don Van Vliet. I hear it in White Stripes music all the time. Maybe it's just because I can see "that new look" Jack's been sporting all over creation that I can safely call it like I see it.



ITEM NUMBER TWO: Yes, it is true -- I eat every frickin-frackin day of my life at the same place. How do I love thee, Pho Hoa Binh? Let me count the ways. Were it not for the best-kept secret in all of Midtown memphis, there are days when your author might actually starve himself. All those tasty vegan entrees (there are a couple with meat on there too, pal), those mouth-watering soups, fresh oranges and watermelon slices, the best mustard greens I've ever put in my mouth, all for the measly low-down price of $5.19 including tax.

ATTENTION HIPSTERS: Do not give me dirty looks and send me pipebombs and get your faux-hawks in a tizzy because I'm spreading the gospel. Considering how many of you are gonna be out of town this summer, the owners of PHB need (and deserve) the business to stay alive. BONUS HINT: the chef and owner used to be the chef at another Midtown staple, Saigon Le.

ITEM NUMBER THREE: Yes it is true -- the Pho Hoa Binh diet has had a pertinent side-effect. I've lost almost 40lbs. since January of 2005 -- and I haven't exercised a lick. Occasionally, I've started to worry about the weight loss calling it "unintentional", but who am I kidding. I get tired of being called "big man" by our local well-meaning hobos and crackheads (e.g.: "AAAAY...ay, 'Big Man'...wassup, 'big man'? Can you hep me out wit some change, brah?")

ITEM NUMBER FOUR: Yes it is true -- I think I need a different job. I continue to idealize my business relationship with my friend and partner believing that together we are going to be part of the revolution happening in music. I believe it can be done, it's true. But after cracking at the egg for the last 5 months on a shoestring, recent events have clued me in to the fact that I can't do it without some substantial support. I can't leave him stranded, but something has got to give. Anyone need any freelance work done? I know a lot about um....well, music...



ITEM NUMBER FIVE: Did Michael Jackson do it? I don't know if he did or he didn't, but that kid and his family have an awful lot of chutzpah (or so it seems to me). I feel sorry for him, but that mother of his. She's a climber. Even if he did, Sneddon ain't gonna get him this time.

ITEM NUMBER SIX: Yes it is true -- I'm pissed that they tore down Tim McCarver stadium. It's no accident that I've barely been seen in public without donning my old Chicks hat.

ITEM NUMBER SEVEN: Yes it is true -- the rumors about an unplanned trip to Tunica with Samantha, Matt, Greg, and Tommy were all correct. A one-armed man got me all-in with an Ace-10 suited and beat me with a Jack-Deuce. I guess I have to start drinking and cursing at everyone if I want to win cash games in Tunica. However, congratulations are in order for Sam and Matt -- they made out like bandits.

ITEM NUMBER EIGHT: Yes it is true -- my Mom seriously hurt herself during the process of moving last weekend & is undergoing treatments to repair her back. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers, I do every single day. She's a wonderful woman & I'm so lucky to be her kid.

ITEM NUMBER NINE: Yes it is true -- I added a donation link to my page.

Some people frown on this practice of web beggary, but check it out -- bandwidth costs money. Daddy might need a new pair of shoes, but for content to continue to steam out of this blog, I gotta pay the piper. Your assistance is welcomed, appreciated, and donations of as little as $1 will help keep me from having to knock over a liquor store wearing a Grinch mask.



ITEM NUMBER TEN: Since you got this far, I should give you something, shouldn't I? OKAY, here's a sneak peek at the ENTIRE new Imogen Heap album entitled Speak For Yourself. This woman is going places and I can't wait to see it happen -- isn't she gorgeous? I don't even know when this damn thing comes out in the United States, but she is supposedly opening for Tori Amos this summer. In the meantime, you can stream this amazing CD by clicking here.

WHO LOVES YOU? I DO, BABY. THAT'S WHY YA KEEP COMING BACK -- FOR THE LOVE.

Pimpin' Aint Easy, But Shmuel Has Gotta Do It.

I just had to copy and paste this from Drudge Report because by the time you hit the link, it will be dead. Oh, the boytchik was but a shadkhin, not the farshitnkiner you've made him out to be. What a shlemiel.

---

Israeli teen arrested for pimping
Thu May 26 2005 10:29:20 ET

A 14-year-old Israeli was arrested by police on suspicion of working as a pimp, Israeli newspapers reported Thursday.

"Instead of playing ball with his friends, he discovered there was lot of money to be made in the sex industry," the daily Maariv reported.

According to the newspaper, the adolescent allegedly employed two teenagers, age 17 and 19, to sell favors to Palestinian workers. In the beginning, he split the profits with the girls, but later began pocketing the entire amount.

The teen was apprehended Tuesday and faced a judge in a Jerusalem court, a police spokesman told AFP.

"The investigation is continuing," the official said. "We are looking to see if other people may be involved."

The two girls were averaging five customers per day and collecting 50 to 100 shekels (10 to 20 euros).

The juvenile's attorney, Reouven Bar Haim, disputed the charges.

"He saved the eldest girl. She had been itinerant for five years, long before he met her," the lawyer said in court.

Ok, Explain Memphis To Me in 2000 Words or Less.

I live in Memphis and I like it. In particular, I live in Midtown -- everything that I like about city living happens here. My family, all of whom I love, have all but disowned me for choosing the neo-Bohemian confines of Midtown over the cushy, well-manicured stronghold of our Eastern Bloc areas (also known as "where the white people ran away and moved to in order to avoid minorities"). I accept that they have never experienced the Memphis that I know and love or, perhaps, they have experienced it and find it none too charming. I've often found myself stumbling for the correct way to express to them what Midtown living is like because, as one is want to do in cases of potential verbal shuffleboard, I know they'll never get it. In spite of this exile of the spirit, they should never doubt that I still love them deeply and, in turn, I know that they love me back.

At heart, I'm a big city person -- the dirt, the shadiness, the un-nuanced povertiousness, the grafitti...they make city living what it's supposed to be. I could probably sit here and rattle on for a minute, but I've been hipped to a dramatic and well-written explanation of Midtown living over at Half-Bakered that everyone visiting here should stop and read. Now, please keep in mind that Midtown Memphis shares one commonality with New Orleans (for anyone who has ever lived there): the neighborhood can change almost completely if you just walk up one block. That being said, I'm urging you to check out Mike's insights into what makes the big city crew repeat our slogan -- "Midtown IS Memphis".

For now, I'm going to CK's on Poplar for a Paul Bunyan Breakfast and to listen to some Bobby Womack songs on the jukebox. You won't find bagels and cream cheese there, but if you ask nicely, the sweet lady behind the counter will remember to shake the orange juice jug before she pours you a glass so it won't taste like orange-tinted water when you drink it. You just read up, ok?

Screw You, Jeff Zucker and NBC -- You Morons Are Cancelling The Wrong Law & Order Series.

My friends know that I am, quite recklessly, a die-hard fan of NBC's Law & Order franchise. It doesn't take a detective to figure out that I've been following the series and its offshoots with blind abandon for many years. I watched as they created offshoots of the original series, the infinitely fascinating Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (featuring consistently stunning work from Mariska Hargitay, Christopher Meloni, Robert Belzer, and Ice-T) and the less-than-unwatchable franchise Law & Order: Criminal Intent (a series which totally debases the talent of stars Kathryn Erbe and Vincent D'Onofrio).

This year, a new member of the franchise entered the ring and I'm surely not alone in thinking that Law & Order: Trial By Jury sparkled a bit more than its brethren did. Largely overshadowed by the death of its star, the late Jerry Orbach, Trial By Jury nonetheless featured a stellar cast of New York actors -- Bebe Neuwirth as a tough, merciless prosecutor, Amy Carlson as the tempestuous subordinate, Kirk Acevedo as the detective sent to investigate, and our former state of Tennessee Senator-turned-actor Fred Dalton Thompson as the District Attorney.

The apple never fell far from the tree and, perhaps because it was slotted on a Friday night in the 10-11pm slot (where nearly any show could die a painful death), the ratings proved it doomed. Despite a series of informed and well-scripted story lines, stellar guest appearances from TV illuminati like Candice Bergen, Angela Lansbury, and from brilliant film actors like Academy Award nominee Alfred Molina and Giancarlo Esposito, apparently people just didn't catch on right away. After only one season, the dickheads at NBC (who are strictly numbers people, you know) failed to renew it for next season -- the first time this has ever happened to a franchise show as successful as Law & Order.

Meanwhile, on Sunday nights, you can catch yourself staring bleakly into your supper as you watch Mr. D'Onofrio and Ms. Erbe (two of New York City's finest theater actors to be certain) wrestle mindlessly through Criminal Intent, the red-headed stepchild of the franchise which I hoped and predicted would meet its end. With scripts so loose you could drive a truck through the uninteresting parts and feel lucky to have 2 minutes of watchable television, L&O: CI is less a dramatic television show than an exercise in counting how many times Vincent D'Onofrio can exhale and smirk before delivering his line.

Now that Bebe Neuwirth, Kirk Acevedo, and Amy Carlson have to look for work, I'm about to start writing letters to Mr. Zucker. If I write him, you can be sure I'll ask him if he can tell the difference between a math problem and a portrait. Oh ye of little faith, revile in the duties of your office.

Read About Law & Order: Trial By Jury Here

Oh HAY WHAT IS THIS? HOLY CRAP, IT'S AN UPDATE!

Ok, yes you're correct. It's been over a week since I updated last. But I can't just make news events and cool things happen -- you have to wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...BOOM. And then it all happens at one time. When it rains, oh yes...it does pour. First off, let me send congratulations out to a man I've known since I was two years old, Charles Burch and his wife Anita on the birth of their son, Zachary Cowden Burch! He was born on May 5, 2005 at 5:55pm. Yes, you are correct....5.5.05 5:55. Born on Cinco de Mayo and with that kind of birthdate??? I tell you what, that kid is going to have one hell of a birthday every year, aint he? This week I've managed to catch some great shows with my sometimes-partner-in-crime Rachel, J-Witnesse, Miss Hellion, Binge Crosby, Rachel V2.0 and a bunch of great music has been seen and enjoyed. Loved seeing Cory Branan and Tim Regan the other night at the Hi-Tone. Chatted with Dave Lorrison about the state of music touring, and even chatted with the unmutable Pesky Fly for a while about his fascinating upbringing in Detroit & something I did not realize we shared -- a life in the theater. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I discovered how deeply involved in the theater he is & it was ultimately refreshing to hear someone espouse similar beliefs about the way things are. Chris, I wanna party with you, cowboy.

Thursday night lulled along at Dish where me and the crew chowed down on an assortment of delicious tapas & chilled out to a bunch of tasty house, soul, and brazilian grooves. The Rachels headed for the Hi-Tone, but I stayed back and kicked it with Miss Hellion, Richens, and J-Witnesse for a hot minute. The weather having been all over the place lately, it finally all caught up to me. I found myself home and in bed by 1am.

Of course last night was Friday the 13th and, like many nights, it started out with a grip of apprehension in the air. But then I was reminded of my sweet mother's voice telling me how Friday the 13th is "our lucky day". Lucky it was, in fact, for I spent the evening at the Hi-Tone listening to Vending Machine and The Glass, two of Memphis' brightest live acts. I told Robby Grant from Vending Machine that I really like their CD (which he recorded all himself on four track), but hearing the songs live gave me new perspective on the tracks. If I was unsure before, I'm convinced now of how fantastic they are. The Glass is always a blessing to watch because Brad Bailey has never finished a set without putting me in tears at least once. Why, might you ask? Some people have a feral, honest quality to their voices that words really can't describe. When I'm exposed to something that raw & beautiful, it is very difficult not to be overwhelmed easily.

I ran into tons of people at the show, Seth from This Is Goodbye, Dirk, Jake, and Jeff from Augustine (both those bands will be performing together at Newby's on May 21st) were there, Mark Jordan, Brooke and Lisa were holding it down, my roomie Jen and her other half B. Analog (fresh from their roadtrip to see The Decemberists, I am so jealous), the omnipresent Rachel, and like half the people in midtown! I saw my friend Jon, whom I'd been trying to reach by phone for a hot minute, and we ended up leaving right towards the end of The Glass's set to hit up Elizabeth Harris's birthday blowout. I think we hit the party right at the lull period between the mad rush and the beer run, so it was a quick hello and goodbye.

Tonight, however, you can be guaranteed to catch me at the Kid Polio video premiere and CD release party coinciding with a screening of the film RAD at the Media Co-Op at 9pm. After that, I might try to dig out to Melissa's house party & who knows where the night will lead.

I promise not to make any promises about updating this page more frequently. Now go get you some Pho, gotta get your vitamins if you want to grow up strong!

Found Film Footage Is So Good, They Made A Festival Of It.

Ok, so you've been out to garage sales, thrift stores, and various other places where people discard things. In your travels, you might have uncovered some old videotapes or reels of super 8 film and thought, "I wonder what's on this thing." You pop it in only to discover it's an old training video for a store, lost family footage from a mountain trip to japan in 1959, or perhaps a hair-brained scheme cooked up by someone to make a killing in the widget business. Sound like fun? Well someone collected a bunch of the best ones and strung them together for you so you don't have to keep looking. The Found Footage Festival is making its rounds and, from what you can see by clicking here, you will understand the phenomenon. It's just an infinitely fascinating look at not only what people have discarded but a chance to ask, "What in the hell were people thinking?" The preview requires Quicktime so make sure you have it and then click that link to check it out. The website provides details about contacting the fest to get it in your city. Definitely worth a look.

You Have 30 Days to Join The National Do-Not-Call Registry For Cell Phone Numbers

In a few weeks, cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls -- like it or not. If your cellular carrier charges you for incoming calls you will be charged for these calls by your cellular carrier.

Of course, it doesn't have to be like that. You can stop it now. Simply call this number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It only takes a minute of your time. It blocks your number for 5 years. Please pass this information on to everyone you know who doesn't want to be hassled.

PLEASE REMEMBER: In order for the service to work, you must be calling FROM THE NUMBER you want to add to the DO NOT CALL list.

If you are unable to call from the number you want to add, you can register online at http://www.donotcall.gov

E.J., Is That Considered "Coughing", "Wheezing", or "Hacking"?

I think it's a cough but I'm not sure. This weekend practically did me in and, strangely enough, I'm one of the only people I know of who didn't drink! Well, for those of you who know me, you'd know that's not such a stretch. However, in spite of the alcohol-free festivities, I've managed to develop a lovely hacking cough which cannot be controlled by mere Claritin.

Firday night was nothing if not a total wash. I started to go to the festival Friday night, but when the lightning came, I decided I'd better shack up. Me and a friend ended up watching movies and listening to music all night.

Come Saturday, I was ready to get out of the house. I had a healthy breakfast, and I headed downtown to begin my media blitz. All of this, of course, is covered at the Beale Street Music Festival blog so I won't go back into details. I can report, however, that The Killers are not only four of the coolest guys working in music, they put on one hell of a show. I walked away exhausted but thoroughly impressed.

Sunday, I had what was to be a 20 minute interview with Ben Kweller, singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist extraordinaire. We ended up talking for an hour in his tiny, furniture-free dressing room which had a shared restroom. Wow, talk about some serious hospitality. The humorous part, not lost on me, was that the restroom was shared with Ike Turner & The Rhythm Kings -- all nine or ten of them. We got thru the interview great & I walked away with a feeling of great pride. I explained to Ben when we got started that I'm totally not a journalist, I'm not out to get some "hot story" to make my career, and that I'm sick of seeing artists I like getting their ass kicked in print because some rock snob journo woke up on the wrong side of his/her crack pipe. The shorter verion of that interview appears here for your reading pleasure.

Here's a couple of quick pictures I caught backstage after Ben's show with the help of Rachel's camera:



Yes, that is Kate Hudson getting her wrist grabbed by David Robinson of The Black Crowes. Hubby Chris is in the background talking with Ben Kweller.



Ben and Chris catching up a little bit.


OK, anyways, I've got work to do and so do you. Go get you some of them delicious mustard greens at Pho Hoa Binh, you look like you needs you some phytonutrients.