I Feel The Need To Say Something About The Parents.
One thing is for sure: everyone who has read about this controversy have rushed to judgement about Zach's parents, wondering privately and publicly how a family could do something like this to their child. I don't know about you, but I am fortunate in that I have a loving, caring family. We have had our spats as I was growing up, but I know that love to be unconditional in spite of our minor differences.
I would like everyone who has expressed anger with his parents to consider the possiblity of using some restraint when rushing to judgement. His parents are people whom I don't even know (nor do most people reading this).
Everyone who has ever been a teenager has had problems with their family. Some families choose to employ methods that you and I find to be archaic, inappropriate, or inconceivable to work thru their problems. Are they punishing their child for being gay, or is it that they simply don't understand it fully and made a rash decision?
I have no doubt that this program was chosen in conjunction with counseling by a pastor or other family confidant and not entirely by the family itself. This is a case which has brought that focus of the controversy to light: what we are dealing with here is a family matter.
One thing is certain in Zach's writing, and I want to emphasize it to you: in spite of his feelings regarding his parents' collective decision-making, he does not hate them and he urges all of us to do the same. After all the name-calling and threatening people on the internet have done, perhaps his parents are not the monsters. Maybe his parents are hard-working, church-going people who were lulled into believing, incorrectly, that the program they were placing their child into would save him from their perception of life as a homosexual. It is possible that they are just as fallible and human as all of us.
Since nobody has spoken directly with his family at this point (and how could anyone, as spooked as they are by the controversy), I am urging you to consider a different approach and think about this differently for a second. Perhaps we should approach this with a bit more love of our own, maybe give them the benefit of the doubt and say that it is entirely plausible that in their own world, they might not have the capability to farm out the resources that many of us have. Their ignorance to the thousands upon thousands of people whom this story has reached is purely unintentional. In order to imagine this horror, I still have to believe that his parents love their son and have no intention of harming him directly or indirectly; maybe they want what they deem to be best for him because they believe what they are doing is the right thing.
It's easy to think of them as horrible, evil people. What if we think of them as we think of ourselves: people trying to do the right thing for the well-being of their son? What if that's really all his parents are? Wouldn't you do anything so that your son or daughter could have the life you would want them to have?
As reprehensible as I find this one decision of his parents, and as one of the fortunate people whose family has mutual unconditional love, I don't know them. It's one decision made over the course of a lifetime as a parent. I have to at least consider taking the high road where his parents are concerned and instead focus on the irreparable damage programs like Love In Action are known to cause. I don't know that I can place blame entirely on them. What's that whole thing in the Bible about "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do"? Perhaps it comes down to one reality: maybe, just maybe, his parents have been lulled by the work of a charlatan, and his name is John Smid.
There are plenty of things we would all do differently if we had them to do over again. Just something for you to think about. I merely want to present a possiblity for all of us to consider. I am not taking a side in the matter with this posting. Your comments are welcome.
I would like everyone who has expressed anger with his parents to consider the possiblity of using some restraint when rushing to judgement. His parents are people whom I don't even know (nor do most people reading this).
Everyone who has ever been a teenager has had problems with their family. Some families choose to employ methods that you and I find to be archaic, inappropriate, or inconceivable to work thru their problems. Are they punishing their child for being gay, or is it that they simply don't understand it fully and made a rash decision?
I have no doubt that this program was chosen in conjunction with counseling by a pastor or other family confidant and not entirely by the family itself. This is a case which has brought that focus of the controversy to light: what we are dealing with here is a family matter.
One thing is certain in Zach's writing, and I want to emphasize it to you: in spite of his feelings regarding his parents' collective decision-making, he does not hate them and he urges all of us to do the same. After all the name-calling and threatening people on the internet have done, perhaps his parents are not the monsters. Maybe his parents are hard-working, church-going people who were lulled into believing, incorrectly, that the program they were placing their child into would save him from their perception of life as a homosexual. It is possible that they are just as fallible and human as all of us.
Since nobody has spoken directly with his family at this point (and how could anyone, as spooked as they are by the controversy), I am urging you to consider a different approach and think about this differently for a second. Perhaps we should approach this with a bit more love of our own, maybe give them the benefit of the doubt and say that it is entirely plausible that in their own world, they might not have the capability to farm out the resources that many of us have. Their ignorance to the thousands upon thousands of people whom this story has reached is purely unintentional. In order to imagine this horror, I still have to believe that his parents love their son and have no intention of harming him directly or indirectly; maybe they want what they deem to be best for him because they believe what they are doing is the right thing.
It's easy to think of them as horrible, evil people. What if we think of them as we think of ourselves: people trying to do the right thing for the well-being of their son? What if that's really all his parents are? Wouldn't you do anything so that your son or daughter could have the life you would want them to have?
As reprehensible as I find this one decision of his parents, and as one of the fortunate people whose family has mutual unconditional love, I don't know them. It's one decision made over the course of a lifetime as a parent. I have to at least consider taking the high road where his parents are concerned and instead focus on the irreparable damage programs like Love In Action are known to cause. I don't know that I can place blame entirely on them. What's that whole thing in the Bible about "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do"? Perhaps it comes down to one reality: maybe, just maybe, his parents have been lulled by the work of a charlatan, and his name is John Smid.
There are plenty of things we would all do differently if we had them to do over again. Just something for you to think about. I merely want to present a possiblity for all of us to consider. I am not taking a side in the matter with this posting. Your comments are welcome.
posted by EJ at 6/12/2005 02:37:00 AM
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