Poker Trend Watch: Strip Poker Invitational

I hate worse than anything when I get roped into something expecting a big payoff and, at the end, walking away totally amazed at how some people in the world are still allowed to make money for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The popularity of No Limit Texas Hold'Em Poker has exploded in the last three years, and everyone wants a chunk of the quarter-billion dollar prize pool from cashing in on the trend.

The tagline for it reads, "Have you ever wanted to watch six beautiful women play strip poker for $50,000? Well, now you can!" I read this and thought to myself, "Yes, yes actually you're right! I've always wanted to watch six beautiful women play strip poker for $50,000." To those of you who know me, it should be obvious -- clearly, the creators of The Strip Poker Invitational were reading my emails (and my mind).

Who doesn't love a good game of strip poker? Strip poker is sexy, exciting, and a great way to get to know everyone at the table much better. You've had about five or six too many, everyone's flirting, next thing you know you're all in and you're all out. It's either innocent fun, or it's too hot for TV, but either way you know what you're getting into when you start.

The scenario is pretty basic here, almost too basic. Just imagine if the girlfriends all got together, pooled their money, were only allowed to wear five pieces of clothing, were given $5000 in chips, and allowed to play No-Limit Texas Hold'em with the winner of each hand being allowed to choose one other player at the table to lose a piece of clothing. At the end of the game, everyone is naked, broke, and someone has all the chips. If you lose all your chips, you end up in the "Lingerie Lounge". With me so far?

For starters, the whole idea is shamelessly lifted from the usually entertaining Bravo show Celebrity Poker Showdown (where Carmen Electra's hubby Dave Navarro competed and came in second place for Season 3), but it lacks any of the B-list celebrity hubris, humor or joy. It's a lifeless piece of slow strip tease nonsense congealed and packaged for guys with a strip poker fetish. Obviously, the action of this isn't about the poker at all. It's just like regular strip poker: It's about who can lose the most hands and get naked first.

If you love the game of poker, this video is probably not for you, and I'm truly sorry that I ever got rooked into watching it. The slow stripteases aren't even good, the women (though undoubtedly beautiful) are so dolled up, you just want to skip to the part where they're naked and get it over with (which is only about half the video, mind you). At the end of it all none of them really care about the game, you're too pissed off that you sat through this garbage for the lame payoff, and you have to ask yourself why someone really needed to make this video.

I love a good game of strip poker, but I prefer my strip poker to be mutually involving, with people I dig, and not look like yet another reason to accuse Hollywood of running out of ideas.

Advice: buy this if you're just that hard up. Otherwise, call up some friends and make your own game. Life is a contact sport. Now get off the internet, and don't draw out on me with your stupid Jack-Deuce offsuit, I'm not taking off my thong.