Screw You, Jeff Zucker and NBC -- You Morons Are Cancelling The Wrong Law & Order Series.

My friends know that I am, quite recklessly, a die-hard fan of NBC's Law & Order franchise. It doesn't take a detective to figure out that I've been following the series and its offshoots with blind abandon for many years. I watched as they created offshoots of the original series, the infinitely fascinating Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (featuring consistently stunning work from Mariska Hargitay, Christopher Meloni, Robert Belzer, and Ice-T) and the less-than-unwatchable franchise Law & Order: Criminal Intent (a series which totally debases the talent of stars Kathryn Erbe and Vincent D'Onofrio).

This year, a new member of the franchise entered the ring and I'm surely not alone in thinking that Law & Order: Trial By Jury sparkled a bit more than its brethren did. Largely overshadowed by the death of its star, the late Jerry Orbach, Trial By Jury nonetheless featured a stellar cast of New York actors -- Bebe Neuwirth as a tough, merciless prosecutor, Amy Carlson as the tempestuous subordinate, Kirk Acevedo as the detective sent to investigate, and our former state of Tennessee Senator-turned-actor Fred Dalton Thompson as the District Attorney.

The apple never fell far from the tree and, perhaps because it was slotted on a Friday night in the 10-11pm slot (where nearly any show could die a painful death), the ratings proved it doomed. Despite a series of informed and well-scripted story lines, stellar guest appearances from TV illuminati like Candice Bergen, Angela Lansbury, and from brilliant film actors like Academy Award nominee Alfred Molina and Giancarlo Esposito, apparently people just didn't catch on right away. After only one season, the dickheads at NBC (who are strictly numbers people, you know) failed to renew it for next season -- the first time this has ever happened to a franchise show as successful as Law & Order.

Meanwhile, on Sunday nights, you can catch yourself staring bleakly into your supper as you watch Mr. D'Onofrio and Ms. Erbe (two of New York City's finest theater actors to be certain) wrestle mindlessly through Criminal Intent, the red-headed stepchild of the franchise which I hoped and predicted would meet its end. With scripts so loose you could drive a truck through the uninteresting parts and feel lucky to have 2 minutes of watchable television, L&O: CI is less a dramatic television show than an exercise in counting how many times Vincent D'Onofrio can exhale and smirk before delivering his line.

Now that Bebe Neuwirth, Kirk Acevedo, and Amy Carlson have to look for work, I'm about to start writing letters to Mr. Zucker. If I write him, you can be sure I'll ask him if he can tell the difference between a math problem and a portrait. Oh ye of little faith, revile in the duties of your office.

Read About Law & Order: Trial By Jury Here