Goodbye Horrible 2004.

Take a deep breath. If you can see this, it may already be 2005. That means 2004 is behind us and we can move forward. This picture of an Indian woman weeping near the debris of her home describes what 2004 was like for me perfectly.

I cannot know her suffering, but I do understand.

The year 2004 for me will stand as one of valuable lessons, a year filled with closures and subsequent renewals, not to mention a year of financial devestation for most everyone I know.

I'm like many of you reading this. I struggled throughout the crises of the year, the roadblocks, the confusing messages, watching the war continue. I watched the job market fluctuate dramatically. I paid too much for gas. I fought with my family over red states vs. blue states. I felt the enormous struggle of independent artists. But I've decided it's over.

And with that, I welcome you to 2005. May it be prosperous and blessed for each and every one of you. I know that sounds kinda cheesy, but I mean it. We all deserve a break.

"You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there's always someone who wants to destroy it."

I was about to fall off to sleep when I was drawn to finally watch this screener of Finding Neverland I had received. I had seen only scant reviews and tried my best to avoid reading much about it before viewing. Something inside me told me that it would be a spectacular film.

Running just 1 hour 40 minutes in length, it is perhaps one of the finest films I have ever had the chance to watch. Perhaps because I knew the story of Peter Pan and had even been in the play myself as a young man, I was drawn to know more about its creator, J.M. Barrie. The struggle of the writer to find their muse is something to which many of us can relate. Like yourself, I struggle with mine constantly. I often engage in childish things and adolescent behaviours in the hopes that I might be transported to the time when I saw the world with that kind of magic. I understand the need for hope expressed in the play itself and, now, I feel a broader kinship with the elements of the writer that were presented in the film. Nothing wonderful was ever achieved without two things: being able to cope with life's unpredictability and having someone who believes in you.

The film works on so many levels -- a coming of age story, a drama, a commentary on the society in which J.M. Barrie lived, and a reflection of the innocence every generation feels it has lost and tries desperately to regain. Johnny Depp will likely be nominated, if not win, the Best Actor award at the Oscars this year. The film has already been named Best Film by the National Board of Review. Normally, I am one who prefers to walk outside the boundaries of the adjudicated tastes of the masses; in this case, I see no reason to doubt the masses for the sake of being different.

I, too, have been captured by this film. As I wipe away the tears, joy mixed with happiness as always, it has given me a great many reasons to want to cherish the things in my life that I am so quick to run from.

I wish only that I had seen this film before the holidays. It might have given me reason to work a bit harder at enjoying them and the time spent with the ones I love the most.

I'm supposed to be moving right now...

Unfortunately, it seems, everyone is out of town right now. My friends are out of town, my new landlord is out of town, everyone is out of town except for me. I'm not sure exactly how that is supposed to work out, being that today is December 30th and I'm supposed to be out by the 1st of January.

Happy New Year, or so they say.

It's at moments like these I just want to throw it all in storage and run screaming from this city with two changes of clothes and my guitar. It could happen, right?



In a move that still doesn't make me enjoy their music, but gives me a new found respect for them as people, Linkin Park has set up an organization to help victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Southeast Asia called Music For Relief. They have funded it with an initial donation of $100,000 which will directly support American Red Cross.

This move is an unprecedented show of generosity by the band, who sold out enormous stadium shows in Indonesia, Thailand and Malaysia this past summer.

Okay, I've got stuff to do. You kids behave.

Elmore James - Got to Move comes from the album Rollin' and Tumblin'

Band I Can't Get Rid Of - Zero 7

Click the title to hear Zero 7's "Destiny"

With Scenestars on hiatus for the holidays, I had to write something dammit. I can't help it, I had to, this music will not go away and leave me alone. So here it goes:

Sam Hardaker and Harry Binns were two lads from London who did it like producers should: they interned in the right places. Fortunately their mate, Nigel Godrich, was hard at work on some rubbish by this band called Radiohead and asked them to remix "Climbing Up The Walls". Now, remixers don't always know what they are remixing until they hear it some place, folks -- as was the case when the lads heard their bits on BBC's Radio One. Then was the time for Zero 7 to be born.

Along came the album, Simple Things in 2001 and, well...it is pretty much the most perfect downtempo recording I've ever heard. I've become like the rest of the world, missing the initial hoopla about them until I saw Garden State and realized how much I loved the one song. Then, listening to SomaFM's Groove Salad, I caught this song and damn near fell out of my chair. Once I had the album, I can't say I've really listened to anything quite this much since Christmas day. I can't get them out of my head, I can't. It's that wonderful.

I'm Gonna Miss You, Jerry Orbach.

Many years ago, when I was lost and hopelessly confused about life, I discovered the television show Law & Order. Maybe because my father, Jay Fred, was an attorney, I became glued to the television set. I watched feverishly, and I never seemed to be able to get enough episodes. Detective Lenny Briscoe, the smart-talking, fast-moving detective machine played by Jerry Orbach was someone I could relate to. As infintely fascinating as any character in television of the last 30 years, I always looked forward to hearing what he might say next.

It turned out that I had been a Jerry Orbach fan for many years and never realized it. He was a great Broadway actor, had appeared in dozens of films I had seen and enjoyed, and was generally revered by the New York acting community as the quintissential actor's actor. When I was in school at New York University, there was a select community of working actors that you would always hear about. None was more revered, apparently, than Jerry Orbach.

His contribution to the community of New York City, to acting, and to the lives of millions of television and film viewers will never be forgotten. Rest in Peace, Jerry, and thanks for all the inspiration.

Hey Hey, My My...Rock And Roll Will Never Die

Oddly enough, I was sitting here pondering about what it would be like to be an aging rock and roller when I came across this really cool story about a group of old school rock and rollers keeping the dream alive.

Old school, E.J.? You mean like heshers? No, no, no. Old school as in they're rocking the retirement home. Literally. Among the members of this band, who perform to standing room only crowds at nursing homes and hospitals around the are, is the younger brother of this cat named Bill Black. You might remember Bill, he played sessions with this fellah named...uh...hang on, baby, whass that guys name again?

I've been staring at code so long I'm getting drowsy.

So I've been in the process of trying to redesign this site so it's more fun to look at. Every time I do, it just gets more and more plain. Am I getting old and crotchety or something?

I think the look reflects my state of mind. My mind is an empty canvas right now. I feel under a great deal of stress because I am having to move at a very awkward time of the year & I'm rushing to get something done that might take me a while. It seems that during this time of the year when I should be focusing on things like the holidays, I've been instead having to focus on the minutiae of my life. Between writing for Scenestars and working on my own music, addded to the enormous amount of stress associated with moving and it's just plain bad news.

I try to look on the cheery side of things, sometimes to the extent that I am looking on them so much I forget about certain horrific realities. I want to see the world through rose colored glasses but I know that I can't do that right now.

The Cherry Blossom is a symbol of hope and rebirth, of good tidings and good luck. I started this weblog under the impression that it would help me turn some sort of corner in my life -- my writing, my music, my creative and personal affairs. I am holding out for hope that this much is true.

So now, if anyone out there wants to offer some helpful assistance with fixing glitches on my site, feel free to add your comments to this post and give me your suggestions.

Now I must bid you adieu. Sleep calls me, an abnormal response since I normally never sleep until 6am or so.

Check Out the New Custom iPod's For 2005

This is really exciting stuff. I can imagine many of you will be looking forward to the Christina Aguillera one.

"We take care of our boys on the force."

Last night, I had occasion to go to The Flying Saucer with my friends Rachel, Patrik, and Mark. I can't say that I had a great time, really, save for the company of my chums. I felt as if I were staring into a sea of date rapes gestating in the minds of overactive imaginations fueled by the world's finest lagers.

Good thing I don't drink, hm?

In any event, a gentleman (who will remain nameless, I don't call everyone out you know) with whom I am acquainted arrived on the scene just as the night was winding down. We see each other out at the late-night stops in Memphis frequently and we always have a good laugh. However tonight, I was surprised to get an earful regarding the liquor store he runs and how pleased he is to have local police stopping by all the time. He unearthed a couple of excellent stories about situations that had occurred and how officers had managed to nab the suspects and/or scare the living daylights out of them with their mere presence at the store. As we were talking, he made it a point to let me know that "We take care of our boys on the force. We appreciate it when you guys stop by."

Realizing that he had clearly confused me with someone else, I was about to interrupt the laughter and explain that a mistake had been made. Just about then, he handed me his card and said, "You know, most places will give you guys a customer discount. I like to give you guys my discount. So, if you ever need a good bottle of wine or something, come see me, man. I'll take care of you."

Thinking down my Christmas list, I quietly pocketed the card, thanked him, and said nothing more about it.

Hope the boys down at the two-seven don't catch wind of this.

I Hate Holidays, Pt.One

I never understood, when I was growing up, what it was that made people hate the holidays so much. I always enjoyed all the gift giving, the presents, I never wanted for anything. God knows, I have a wonderful family and they all love the holidays. They're very generous, even to a fault. The lights, the presents, the reflection on the year past, friends and relatives getting together to celebrate.

Perhaps experience has made me bitter, or perhaps I have outgrown the niceties of the holidays. This year, I really hate them. I mean, no. I fucking hate the holidays.

I think a lot of this comes from the fact that I can't do for my friends and family what I would like to do this year. I have been able, almost every year, to do impressive and very nice things for all of them. I have been, perhaps even more than they, an exorbitant gift giver. When I lived in New York City, I was always the one who brought home lox & bagels for the whole family. I would bring home great presents for my two nieces. When in Seattle, I always got fresh Salmon to bring home from the Pike Place Market, every year was a celebration.

Thanks to the economic forecast of the current administration, the lack of work, no job or job security, I'm out fishing for a couple of bucks to put gas in my car suddenly. I feel deeply disenfranchised, forgotten by people who made promises they did not keep, and too prideful to file an unemployment claim or go back to get food stamps.

I don't mean to bitch, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have friends, at least. At least I have a family. At least I have my arms and legs, my eyes, my hands, my faculties about me, and yes...I can type 80 words per minute.

But this year, I have felt a deeply disturbing and unexplained animosity at the sheer mention of holidays. The sight of Christmas lights disgust me. Menorahs make me cringe. Kwanzaa celebrations give me sickening chills down my spine. It's not directed at the relgions or groups who participate in these rituals, its the mere notion of the rituals themselves.

Perhaps a part of me is twisting itself in knots because I know I can't participate in the fun like I always have. Good thing you only need one person to throw a pity party.

I'll just sit here and count aluminum cans for a while.

I dunno, this morning I'm feeling a bit Zombo

So WELCOME TO ZOMBO COM. You can do ANYTHING at Zombo Com. The only limit is YOURSELF.

Sad Correction to Last Post....Make that PJ HARVEY's Last Show Ever

Apparently, PJ announced directly to her fans from the stage that they were watching "the last show I will ever play". Sad news for fans around the world, but she had been intimating that she wanted to take a break. Hopefully, that's all this is. Sigh.

Apparently, The Libertines are already History

According to this Reuters story, The Libertines, who were one of the great new hopes out of Britain may have called it a day after playing a party just outside Paris with P.J. Harvey for the French subway authority. So much for keeping it together long enough for people to remember your name. I hope this is just a publicity stunt. We don't need another good band to die this quickly.

Everyone should see 'Hotel Rwanda' - Opens Jan 6 in Wide Release

My first pick for the upcoming Oscar season is clearly Hotel Rwanda, an exceptional story of struggle starring Don Cheadle whom, I predict, will at least be nominated for his role as Paul Rusesabagina. It retells the story of Paul's struggle to save the lives of those he knew, both Tutsi and Hutu, during the Rwandan genocide that took place in the early 1990's. Watch the trailer and see for yourself.

I've been pretty shitty lately.

Combination of the holidays, moving, economics...it can really drag a person through the mud. I used to wonder why people hated the holidays so much when I always enjoyed them. I've never had a year where I didn't look forward to the holidays until now & I've been given my fair share of kicks in the butt. So when I couldn't take it anymore, I wrote down a list of reasons not to give up. It turned into a poem, here it is. Sometimes the simplest ones say the most, hope it doesn't look too much like a Hallmark card.

on giving up

if you give up
you wont find out
what all the fuss was all about

if you give up
you'll never know
how far or fast your legs can go

if you give up
you'll miss blue skies
you'll miss snow, rain, sunset, sunrise

if you give up
you'll miss white clouds
your friends, your family, miss the crowds

if you give up
you'll miss the sights
of the universe on starry nights

if you give up
you'll miss eating
writing, drawing, laughing, reading

if you give up
you'll miss the tears
you'll miss out on the best of years

if you give up
you'll miss these streets
your hands, your fingers, toes and feet

if you give up
you'll miss long walks
games and hugs and all-night talks

if you give up
you'll miss me, too
and never know how much i miss you

please dont give up
when you most want to
for you have so much left to do

Ow, My Pancreas....

This weekend was a whirlwind trip through all sides of my life. Four Christmas parties, four distinct sets of people, and I'm so exhausted at the end of it I'm not sure what to think. Can I buy a vowel later on when I wake up? Thanks.

Disenfranchised Voter? Satisfied Voter? Either way, you need to see 'Votergate'.

FINALLY! Someone did a short expose on electronic voting machines and its shady connection to potential voter fraud. Everyone, no matter your affiliation or belief, needs to see this. Did you vote paperless this year? You have a right to be angry if you did. It is so easy to hack your vote, even if your candidate won you should be madder than hell. I certainly am.

PROOF is right here.

I'm so F-in lazy sometimes

Okay, so at the request of friends, I will try to start posting little blurbs and tidbits on this blog space. I am so bad about doing this, and it may not last, but I will do my best. You can you usually just see what I'm up to at Scenestars if you really want to know. But I promise, I will work on it.